It is an unfortunate truth in our society that bisexuals have a negative stigma, a stigma that I hope to shed some light on. But before we can examine bisexuality and its place in society, we must determine what bisexuality precisely is. In the college text Our Sexuality, authors Robert Crooks and Karla Baur (1996:252) describe it as: "Bisexuality as a real orientation means that some people are born with a natural attraction to both sexes, and their attraction continues into adulthood." This "real orientation" theory will be the focus of this paper. The other type of bisexuality is the "...transitory [bisexual]--a temporary involvement by people who are actually heterosexual or homosexual" (Crooks and Baur 1996:252). These include those in single-sex boarding schools, prisons, and prostitutes that service both sexes. The transitory bisexuals also include those that are moving from one orientation to another, and the closet homosexuals that are trying to deny their homosexuality. They usually settle into whatever lifestyle choice that best fits their identity, meaning prisoners have no trouble pursuing heterosexual relationships when they are released. Jon Harley (1996:A8), an expert for the Soc.bi newsgroup, simply defines bisexuals this way: "People who call themselves bisexual are saying that they are attracted to both men and women."

Just who are bisexuals attracted to? They say, "I don’t desire a gender, I desire a person" (Leland 1995:50). So, if bisexuality means looking past the biological sex into the person, does this make the rest of the population defective? Personally, I think that if bisexuality works for a particular person, go at it. Furthermore, I believe no one should force their sexual views onto those that may not appreciate them or may yet hurt someone else for bringing it up. "Bisexuality isn’t about whom you sleep with, it’s about how you feel; so a good rule of thumb in defining your sexual identity is not what you’ve done, but what you’d like to do" (Harley 1996:A4). Knowing the definition leads one to wonder what the heterosexual and homosexual communities feel about the ‘new’ kids on the sexual orientation block--the bisexuals or "bis".

"Many bis...still feel rejected on two fronts: by straights for being too gay and by gays for not being gay enough" (Leland 1995:48). This turns out to be a realistic fear in today’s society. "Many gays and lesbians, she says, dismissed bisexuals as fence sitters, unwilling to give up a ‘phase’ they themselves had outgrown" (Leland 1995:48). Bisexuals have gone from being able to see past gender to the real person to fence sitters, unwilling or unable to make the choice between the two. Heterosexuals don’t seem to see bisexuals in a kinder light. "While non-monogamy and menage a trois are not anti-social acts like violence, they are nevertheless associated--in heteronormative culture--with questionable sanity" (Newitz and Sandell 1994:3). Bisexuals are in an uncomfortable position at best, not being seen in a good light by either side. "In a culture organized, however precariously around monogamy, bisexuality lurks as a rupture in the social structure, conjuring fears of promiscuity, secret lives and instability" (Leland 1995:47). Bisexuals afraid of coming out due to these very reasons start to live these secret lives, which unfortunately perpetuate the stereotype of deviant behavior. "Because of society’s reluctance to recognize their existence, bisexuals often face an even more torturous struggle than gays in coming to terms with their identity" (Toufexis 1992:50). The sexual lifestyle of the bisexual is what many find difficult to come to grips with, even among bisexuals themselves, due to the enormous variety of possible relationship scenarios.

Sexuality is such a daunting subject that, to bring in multiple partners playing in a bed that is probably too small for such excitement, brings up some interesting visuals, questions and thoughts as well. In one bisexual’s eyes, "sexuality is [Ed. note: Obscene word deleted.], loving and causing trouble, and little death that makes you think twice about your life, even if only for a moment" (Kingston 1997:3). Bisexual sex is the culmination of love, whomever it is between. For some reason, it is thought that bisexuals have some sort of weird sexual experiences that is beyond the realms of normalcy. And for some, it is "I could [Ed. note: Obscene word deleted.] partners who might have penises they were born with, might have ones they’d gotten surgery for, might have bought, or might not have at all" (Albrecht-Samarashina 1997:4). For most I would assume, it is not unlike the majority of the population of serial monogamists. They may switch off between men and women or they may not, but I would guess that they don’t go to far into the well of exotics that the imagination would have us believe. "An ad for the Bay Area Bisexual Network reads: We support celibacy, monogamy, and non-monogamy as equally valid lifestyle choices" (Newitz and Sandell 1994:3). They must have interesting households, if suddenly there are three or more openly non-monogamous people sharing a home, making grocery lists and planning outings. I can only imagine the worst video rental nightmare, trying to find the one everyone wants to see, or ordering the pizza everyone wants to eat, or the worst fight ever--who gets the remote control? "And in the end, it is really about the simple, mysterious pull between warm human bodies when the lights go out" (Leland 1995:50). Since bisexuality is such a non-mainstream phenomena, how does the media react to this lifestyle?

A good example of the media’s reaction is evident from when I was doing research for this paper. I was trying to find a book on bisexuals at the local library. I found only two listings, neither which was available at the branch I was sitting in. One was in San Luis Obispo and the other was in Cambria. It’s safe to say the media in my corner of the world is not excited about the subject and prefers to ignore it almost entirely. Anna Newitz and Jillian Sandell (1994:2) in their online article, Bisexuality and how to use it: Toward a Coalitional Identity Politics point out:

"Even today, despite the boom in queer publishing, A Different Light (a gay and lesbian bookstore chain) has only in the past six months introduced a section specifically on bisexuality. In other words, it is only very recently that enough books on bisexuality have existed to fill such a section" (2).

What is it that makes us who we are? By what means do we define ourselves? Is it through our relationships that meaning is found? Is it through defining our maleness and femaleness? We are raised in our time, in our culture, to believe that we should be attracted to one sex, and even then only to the opposite sex. While being attracted to the same sex can be difficult to come to terms with, a community exists in which even these individuals can find support and perhaps even a sense of self. What happens if someone finds themselves attracted to both sexes? Where would these individuals fit into our society? These are the fence sitters that are attracted to the inside, the true makings of the person, not necessarily the outside covering or gender. These are the bisexuals.